


A handy guide on how to protect your Norse god

by ThatOneGirlBehindYou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bilgesnipe, Fluff, M/M, mentined bucky because i´m trash, mentions of svadilfari, passive-agressive reporters, thor and loki bantering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 11:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3118736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirlBehindYou/pseuds/ThatOneGirlBehindYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Tony didn’t feel the need to come to Loki’s defense, and 1 he put everything on the line to defend him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A handy guide on how to protect your Norse god

**Author's Note:**

  * For [viviantanner](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=viviantanner).



> Gift for the Frostiron Fest 2014, this time for viviantanner, who prompted gift request #23:  
> Four times Tony didn’t feel the need to come to Loki’s defense, and one time Tony put everything on the line to defend him.  
> I made it 5+1 instead of 4+1 because I´m stupid and only checked the prompt again once I had already written the thing. Anyways, hope you enjoy it!
> 
> WARNING: My usual Beta wasn´t available so any mistakes are my own!

**1.- Against Fury and Phil**  
There are many things in life Tony´s pretty sure of, and he´ll probably lie about more than half of the things that don´t make it into that list just to look cool and aloof, but there´s only one thing he´s completely sure he shouldn´t be sure of.  
Loki is super hot.  
Like, he knows he shouldn´t be staring up and down the leather-clad man that was literally destroying the city not a year ago, but he can´t bring himself to stop, not even when Steve notices his ogling and tries to subtly kick his shin. 

It´s just that he looks at the man's pale face and his smirking, flashing green eyes and his mind is suddenly asking him if taking him out for a drink or ten is socially acceptable now that Phil is miles away from the danger zone the God of Stabbing People put him in.  
The fact that he's currently standing his ground against both the former and the present directors of S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't helping, either.

"You can't stay here and that's final, Laufeyson, so go and tell your daddy he can go and prepare your cell again because you're going straight back into it." Fury says, nearly spitting on Loki's face, all clenched fists and glaring eye.

"Must I remind you that the whole 'the Earth being under Thor's protection' thing basically means Midgard is under the orders of Asgard's unfortunately biased king? Because it does. And if Odin says I'm staying down here you're as powerless as me to contradict him." Loki aims his relaxed smile at Fury, and Phil seizes the opening in his speech.

"Are you actually implying you're powerless? Because that would make this an interesting turn of events."

Loki's smile tenses a little, but doesn't fade in the slightest, and Tony knows what he'll answer next.

"I don't know, Agent. Try me?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Did it sound like a threat?"

"It sounded like you're bluffing and you know it." Fury's eye rolls before focusing on Loki again. "If you were in full power you'd be long gone by now."

"Really, Director? I didn't realize you had such an insight on my motivations and decisions."

"You're textbook villain, Loki. It's not too hard to guess." Phil pipes in again, and this time Loki's the one to roll his eyes.

"That's exactly the mindset that put that hole through your chest last year, Agent." It doesn't escape Tony, the way Loki deliberately uses the wrong titles for both of them. He smirks, and Steve frowns down at him. "I honestly doubt there's a soul in this room that can read me."

"And that's exactly the mindset that put you in a set of handcuffs. Well, the mindset and my team, of course." Phil gestures sideways at them, while staring at Loki right in the eyes. "Whom I feel obliged to remind you, will remain in the highest state of alert whether you stay in this planet or not."

Loki turns his glance at that, giving the team as a whole an amused look. Tony can almost hear Clint tensing, can almost see Natasha smirking back at Loki, can almost feel the resigned and partly fed-up sigh threatening to come through Thor's lips.

"Fair warning. I'll send you a postcard with my address when I get a fixed location." With a last smile, Loki turns on his heel and walks out the door before either Phil or Fury can attempt to grab him, and ignores his orders and threats to get back. A greenish light glows around him and his asgardian clothes shift into a simple shirt and pants as he walks. So much for him being powerless.

Tony waits until the door has slid closed behind the man to break down laughing.

**2.- Against Clint**

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Loki's eyes drift up from the newspaper to fix Clint with an uninterested gaze.

"Having breakfast, Barton. You should do the same, I hear you midgardians consider it a pretty important meal."

Clint doesn't deign to answer that and Tony pretends to be terribly busy flipping his omelette when he feels his teammate's eyes digging through him.

Fine, so he did take the hot alien out for a drink.

Or two.

Ok, six exactly, on different occasions. And then a coffee at the penthouse and things just... Escalated from there.

Thing is, Loki just came out of his bedroom this morning and Tony was still too entranced on last night's events to realize his team _might_ not be as comfortable around Loki as he is.

It seems Clint notices he won't get an explanation from him, because he turns to Loki again.

"If I see you here once more, Loki-"

"Please do finish that sentence, Barton. I find your threats charming." Out the corner of his eye he catches Loki taking a sip out of his coffee mug with a smile.

"Don't underestimate me."

"Oh, but I don't. I know what you're capable of, I wouldn't have made you my lieutenant if I hadn't been sure of your abilities." Loki puts his mug down and rises. "I don't intend to be a threat to you or your team, at least not at this moment, and you should be thankful for that. However, I will keep coming into your tower as long as I find something worthy of my attention here, so don't waste your time trying to talk me out of it."

Tony wants to roll his eyes when he feels Loki's hand at his shoulder, and actually does it when the taller man leans down to place a kiss and a bite on the side of his neck.

A second later the air feels a bit too cold on the wet bite mark and he looks back to find Loki disappeared. Unluckily for him, Clint hasn't.

"You're in so much shit right now, man."

**3.- Against Thor**

"Shouldn't you... Say something?" Steve asks dubiously. Tony looks up at him but keeps an ear out on the discussion being held right in front of them, and a hand on the bowl of nachos placed on the couch.

"Why?" He looks back forward when the voices rise, and relaxes again when he sees it's just Loki making an extremely unflattering imitation of Thor.

Steve shrugs. "Well, aren't you two sort of... Together?"

"Oh! Yeah, we are, but he's still an ass, it's ok." Tony assures him, while fixing his attention back on the quarreling brothers.

"It seems I have been in the room long enough to be infected with your particular brand of stupidity, brother, please remind me again why you should even have a voice in this matter?" Loki's all up on Thor's face, not backing out an inch on the issue, and Tony feels a bit giddy at being fought over by a very dangerous alien prince. It must show on his face because Steve flicks him on the ear.

"You're so easy to please." He whispers, only to be drowned by Thor's booming response.

"Because he's my friend and you're just playing with him!" The man exclaims, rising the hand with the hammer in frustration.

"To be completely honest-"

"As if you knew what that's like." Thor interrupts him, but Loki trudges on undeterred.

"- we're both playing with each other. Quite a lot actually. It's a very healthy relationship, now that I think of it."

"You wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it slammed you off that high horse of yours." Thor bites back after rolling his eyes.

"Was that a reference to something, Thor?" Loki asks in a lower, sharper voice. Tony grabs the nacho bowl and pulls Steve by the shoulder as Thor crosses his arms in front of his chest and lifts a defying eyebrow.

"I don't know, Loki. Is it?"

"Do you really want to go there?"

"It depends, will it take us eleven months and you doing something both inappropriate and not asked of yourself in the first place?!"

They escape the room after the first bolt of magic and come back a few hours later to find Loki lying on the floor with Mjôlnir on his chest and an annoyed-looking corgi sitting next to him.

**4.- Against local fauna**

They're doing a charity appearance in a zoo, and it's all well and all, the kids are being pretty tolerable and their parents are doing a decent job of keeping them from fainting in excitement as Captain America instructs them on the importance of the wildcats' protection.  
Tony _knows_ there's a joke in there, but he gets a call just when he's about to voice it.

_"Stark?"_

"Uh, hi Phil?"

_"How's the event going?"_

"Pretty well actually. Natasha's teaching a group of kids some karate moves I'm not entirely sure are appropriate, but everything's fine."

_"Good then. Stark?"_

"Yes Phil?"

_"Could you explain what those two are doing in the snow leopard exhibit?"_

"What?"

 _"Just... Check literally any social media and do something about it please."_ Is all Phil says before hanging up.

Tony brings up Twitter on his phone, and two minutes later he's gasping his breath back after having run all the way across the zoo to the crowded exhibit that has Clint perched on the railing with his phone.

"How did this even happen?!" He asks his friend, and Clint shrugs and keeps snapping pictures.

"I don't know. I mean I think it was a bet but they also mentioned some Freya lady and a chariot so I'm not too sure."

"Why did you let them get down there?! Did if even occur to you that they could be confusing those with a domesticated version they have at Asgard?!"

"To be honest, if Loki wants to go play into a pride of starving lions I'm all right with it. I did tell Thor to be careful though."

"You're a bastard." Tony punches his arm before looking back at the exhibit again. "Is Thor actually play-wrestling with a snow leopard?"

"Man your boyfriend is down there giving that other leopard a belly rub, I don't know what's real anymore, I'm actually taking pictures to convince myself I didn't hallucinate this."

"... I'll record it."

**5.- In battle**

The first time Loki actually joins them in battle it's a surprise for all of them.

No one really knows how it happened, Bruce will later theorize an irregularity in the Bifrost that allowed the two humongous beasts to land on the outskirts of the city.

"Oh, for the Norns..." Thor mutters as soon as they get the footage, and Steve turns to him.

"Do you know what those things are?"

"Aye, friend. Bilgesnipes. Two females, judging on the size and the antlers."

"Is that good or bad news."

"Actually? The worst news." Thor rubs the bridge of his nose and they hear him grumble a low "I'm getting too old for this."

So Tony texts to cancel his dinner plans with Loki and off they go.

It takes them all exactly one minute to get to the unanimous decision that Bilgesnipes are nasty, horrible creatures that are most likely the tantrum of a cruel god.

"There's a scale-less spot at their nape, you have to hit them there." Thor instructs, and it's much easier said than done, as proved when the Norse himself gets batted half a mile away with a lazy shake of the creature's antlers.

Tony flies Natasha around the biggest one, trying to avoid the huge bony antlers, while Thor shoots bolts of lightning at its feet to distract it, while Steve, Hulk and Clint head for the other.

Their biggest concern is keeping them away from the city, but as much as they try teasing them and corralling them, the smallest one makes a break for it and none of them is close enough to stop it.

That's when the ground around them shakes and explodes into a circle of green fire big enough to hold both beasts.

"WE NEED TO SEPARATE THEM" Thor yells at nothing in particular, and the circle sprouts another, single line of fire that slices it in half.

Everything gets a bit more chaotic from there. True, the fire seems to only burn the Bilgesnipes and not them, but having a trampling beast the size of a building trapped with you isn't an ideal situation, and Toy quickly loses track of things, only focusing on trying to land on the animal's back.

When he finally manages, Natasha hops off his back and springs her way to the spot Thor described. She's stabbing a hole to stick a grenade in there in less than a second, and now Tony's biggest concern is getting her out of there fast enough.

Thor avoids the falling beast by spinning his hammer to get in the air with then.

"It's only hurt, friends, it takes a deeper wound to get rid of it. Another one of those grenades should do the trick." He explains, and looks around in confusion when the fire circle flickers out all of a sudden.

The reason's clear soon enough: the second Bilgesnipe is frozen in place, a gigantic claw halfway down to turn Steve into a very patriotic puddle, while Hulk climbs up one of it's back legs.

Loki's frozen in place too, his arms held up and shining green and his face red with exhaustion.

"What in the Nine is he doing?!" Thor exclaims to himself.

"I'm not too familiar with magic, is that dangerous?" Tony arches an eyebrow and Thor looks at him in distress.

"His magic is dueling with the beast's, in addition of trying to hold its body still. It's way too much effort for one person to handle." Thor explains, and turns to propel himself down to the standing Bilgesnipe, when Hulk decides to tear the creature's neck open and reach inside to pull at a string of nerves until it snaps.

The beast falls down, eyes glazed and mouth open in a last screech, and the fire circle returns. Loki collapses not a second after.

Tony aims his propellers to head their way, but their own Bilgesnipe is up and kicking, and Natasha pulls on the suit's head to make him change direction before a barrier of fangs snaps closed a the exact place they occupied a second ago.

"Get me on its back again!" She yells, and Tony turns reluctantly, turning on the radio at the same time.

"Steve?!" He asks roughly on the comm.

"He's ok, Tony." Steve's voice comes through calm and reassuring. "Bruce is making sure that thing's dead, and Clint and I got him, he's fine."

"Perfect, I'm gonna kill him when we finish with ours." Tony lets out a relieved sigh before aiming for the Bilgesnipe back again.

**6.-against the press**

"My mom says you're one of the bad guys." A kid barely reaching Tony's knee hides behind him and stares up at Loki with her eyes narrowed in suspicion. Tony attempts to push her further back because as much as he hates and fears kids in the same measure, Loki blasting a child to pieces at a PR event can only be bad rep for the team.

Then Loki takes his helmet off, and bends one knee to get on eye level with the girl.

"Well, your mom is smart. I _am_ one of the bad guys."

"But you were at the zoo last week, when there was that fire! You and Thor carried the leopards out!"

"See, there's this tiny little line between being a villain and being scum of the universe, kid. I like to think I fit into the first category."

"... So you're not a bad guy then?"

"Oh, I'm the worst of them all, young lady." And then there's a green flash, and Loki's a huge as life lion, pushing the screeching kid to the floor and nuzzling her belly until she starts to laugh.

"Ok, this is not what I imagined when the kid came to talk with us." Tony mutters to himself.

"Well, she _is_ a child." Thor's voice comes from over his shoulder. "If there's a soft spot in Loki, it's for children."

"Interesting."

"Kid, are your parents aware you're playing with a murderer?" A new voice intervenes and both Thor and Tony turn to the scene again.

There's a man with a microphone, and another with a camera behind him. Loki returns to his human form in a second, staring stoically at them.

"She was just leaving." Is all he says, urging the girl back towards the crowd with a soft push.

"Loki, what can you tell us about your recent alliance with the Avengers? Are you trying to make amends for the casualties you caused during the invasion?" The reporter asks again.

Loki rolls his eyes. "Of course not."

"Then you don't actually care about the casualties you caused during the invasion?"

"If you can infer so much from three words then I fear I severely underestimated your species' intellect." Loki looks about ready to walk away, but the reporters, as always, act like a swarm of flies, and there's a whole group of them forming a pretty effective wall.

"Are you planning on giving a formal apology anytime soon?"

"What can you say about the poll made last week that reveals 75% of the citizens think you should get a trial and a formal sentence before you begin a 'civilian life'?"

"Why, I couldn't care less-"

"Is your alliance with the Avengers part of a scheme of protection in case any other enemy comes looking for you?"

Loki's face begins to redden. "How dare you-"

"The families of many of your victims have expressed interest in meeting you, what do you say to that?"

"Are you worried your current alliance with the Avengers will end when Mr. Starks finds someone else to go out with?"

"That's absolutely none of your business." Loki bites back at the last reporter and breaks out from the circle around him.

"Loki, how true is the rumor that you're banished here on Earth because you've been disgraced and kicked out from the succession line in your world?" Is the last question, yelled by an anonymous reporter that most likely has a death wish.

Both Tony and Thor reach Loki at the same time, but Steve reaches the reporters first, with a sweet smile the team recognizes immediately as predicting a shitstorm.

"I'm sorry, but those are personal questions and my team is not allowed to answer those." He says, and the reporters cling to his words like a pack of wolves preying on a wounded deer.

"So is it official then? Is known mass-murderer Loki Laufeyson a part of the Avengers team now?"

"Well, he might be. There are some people that still need some convincing to formally join the team, Loki being the first one." Steve smiles again, and Tony sees what he's doing there, evening the field for that man he's been hunting like a hound these last months. If the team has a genocidal alien in its lineup, an ex-mercenary won't seem so crazy. But even if his motives are not entirely selfless, he's standing up for Loki, and Tony appreciates it.

"Are you aware the public might not consent to be protected by a team that openly embraced Earth's first ever inter-galactic invader?"

"We are aware." Natasha comes out of nowhere, and her smile is even sweeter and scarier than Steve's, moreso with Clint looming at her back. "But I believe the public could adapt, if they have consented to not just one but two trained assassins protecting them."

Tony can feel the disbelief radiating out of Loki, and he squeezes his sweaty, tense hand before taking a step forward himself.

"Let's not forget, dear public, that Reindeer Games here is not the only one in the team with a body count, as Miss Romanoff just recalled." He looks at his nails, as if checking them for dust, just to make time. "Wasn't I the most successful weapons dealer in the modern world not five years ago?"

And of course, he should've known he was the big fish here, because all the cameras fix on him at exactly the same time.

"Can you assure the public they're under no threat from Loki, Mr. Stark?"

He gifts them with his million-dollar smile. "Please, I can't even assure myself of that in a good day."

"Isn't your opinion biased because of your affair with him?"

Tony reaches behind him until he seizes Loki's hand again, and pulls him forward a little. "Of course it is, have you seen him? I'm definitely not letting go of this one anytime soon."

"Were you somehow forced into this relationship to ensure peace between Asgard and Earth?" Asks a last reporter in such a concerned tone that Tony has to restrain himself from laughing in his face.

"As interesting as that would be, it's not the case here kids, sorry." He takes a deep breath and wraps his arm around Loki's leather-clad waist. "Thing is, Loki's here to stay. And you're all free to be uncomfortable and angry about it, I get you, but if he's got to leave the city then you'll all need to find another Iron Man for your team." He looks back. "And probably another God of Thunder too, but I don't want to put words in his mouth." He grins at Thor's thankful nod. "That's just how it is, folks. Now if you excuse me, we have some fans to greet. If any of them has anything to discuss with Loki, they'll do so in private, thanks and bye." And with that, he spins on his heel and walks away from the mass of cameras and microphones, Loki nearly dragging beside him and his team closing files behind the two of them.

He can hear Steve giving an inspiring speech about how he believes America is the land of second chances and how he thinks people who have wronged us can do us great good if we allow them to redeem themselves or something like that, but the kid's back with both her mother and a bunch of elementary school girls in toll, squeaking excitedly about how the 'bad guy' is really weird but also cool because he can turn into a lion, and he catches a glimpse of Loki's tense lips relaxing into a slight smile.  
He squeezes his hand once more before letting go.

Loki did do terrible things, he thinks, just like himself. But he got a chance to redeem his worth, it's only fair that this man that can be so patient about having three fourth-graders on his back and a fourth one braiding his mane, gets one too.

And he's not only willing to give it to him, but to stand by his side every step of the way.


End file.
